SIGNS

I don’t know where you live but in my neck of the woods this day has been a virtual deluge. Rain, wind and more rain.  I don’t mind it though, rainy days and Mondays don’t always get me down like the song says.  So much going on.  Let’s get started.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR,  we finally sold my single girl house!   A house that I loved dearly but that was quickly becoming a vacant soul sucking money pit.  We went through renter drama to the point of the ridiculous than we went through realtor drama which was completely mind-boggling and included a homeless guy temporarily setting up camp (!) underneath its side porch so that  we were almost to the point of burning it down ourselves  auctioning it off for around seventeen dollars.  And then it happened.  After two loans falling through with previous offers we got one that stuck and succeeded.  After five long years we now own ONE home…not three.  I still don’t believe it’s really sold though.  I caught myself staring out the window this morning fretting about the amount of rain that must be accumulating in the basement with this inclement weather.  OH WAIT, TOTALLY  NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE.   Freedom!

With that we’ve paid off some bills.  We didn’t make a ton of money but we made enough to pay off my Jeep and a credit card and still  sink some money into savings for a beach vacation  new tires and other life necessities.   Here’s the funny part.  A few months ago my Mom regifted a Starbucks card to me that she’d received from someone as she never goes there – it had less than $10 on it and I had used it a few times here and there.  In a spur of the moment gesture I decided to put $20 on it the day after we closed on the house.  Say what you want about Starbucks, I’m well aware that they are a predatory multinational corporation that squelches cultural diversity but holy mackerel have you tried their sea salt caramel mocha?!?  Anyway, I pulled the trigger and loaded up my card and that one act of indulgence made me feel more like an adult that selling the house in the first place.  It’s like that silly card defined me as a full fledged grown up.  Look at me, I have a card JUST FOR COFFEE and the occasional tea!  This is the same girl who scrounged the floor of her car for enough change to buy a Pabst Blue ribbon tall boy a decade ago.  OH THE DECADENCE!  I guess old habits die hard because I haven’t used it once and act like it’s a secret weapon only to be used for emergency coffee/tea retrieval.

In more grown up news yours truly has now joined the ranks of the smartphone allegiance.  Yes, it’s true – I was rocking a flip phone that resembled a hand grenade just two weeks ago.  I am still having problems with remembering to tap “end call” instead of just putting the phone down when I get someone’s voicemail so I’ve left a few rambling “voicemails” where the poor caller gets to listen to me burp and scratch myself before I realize it’s actually recording my life laying there.  Of course now I’m getting all the apps and I’m addicted to its intuitiveness.   Johnny and I are constantly in the middle of a “Words with Friends” match and it’s hilarious how many times my turn reflects my feelings at the time.  He plays “FIEF”?  I play “TOOL”.   He lands “AXONE” on a triple word tile and I play “DICK”.   Here’s a fun fact:  WWF will not accept certain words.  Words that don’t make sense or that you make up and of course, profanity.  Imagine our surprise to learn that WWF will accept “DILDO” but not “NEGRO”.  Politically correct phone game!  Still, I was delighted with “dildo” and racked up 27 points.

In more exciting news this afternoon I have an “interview” of sorts with our local neighborhood newsletter to be a contributor.  Me, a writer for the masses – can you imagine?  I’ll tell you who doesn’t want to  – my poor  husband.  As soon as I saw the ad asking for writing contributions I raced to Johnny, breathless.   “This is perfect!  I can write and get some exposure and make friends at the same time”!   Johnny just cringed.  I got a pep talk this morning much like the one before my job interview for my current position.  Same old stuff…don’t say “butt sex” for ANY reason, don’t use “douche” as a verb, yada yada yada.  This is going to be hard.  I may need flash cards.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  I may jinx myself and end up assigned to writing about the Dogwood blooms down our street and that’ll serve me right.

And finally, last week I attended a training workshop for my job that entailed my going to a local Hilton and drinking their shitty coffee while playing “Angry Birds” stealth-like under my desk.  The fun part was when my desk mate joined me.  I was already there and settled in when this large older man asked if the seat next to me was taken.  I replied no and he proceeded to occupy the chair and consequently unpack and get settled himself.  After doing so he stuck his large hand in front of my face.  I glanced up to see that he was in fact introducing himself and waiting to shake my hand.  As I shook his hand he said “Paul Campbell, Sagittarius”.  Naturally I blinked for a moment and then gave him my name and paused and then added “Aquarius”.  He nodded and seemed pleased and that made my morning because seriously?  I usually cannot find out a strangers Zodiac sign FAST ENOUGH.

Girl Corrupted is living the dream, people.

 

 

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