An Ender to the Bender

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR,  I’m employed!  Gainfully and such!  Finally!

Found out that I indeed got the job.  I’ve been running around in headless chicken mode ever since.  SO MUCH TO DO, I didn’t know where to start.  Well, I started by getting up off the floor because I was positively sure that I not only didn’t get the job but probably offended them so completely that they had put me on some employment blacklist circulating the city.  When I got the offer letter email it took me 15 minutes to open it.

So, first things first.  Hair appointment.  Done.  My gal moved some things around for me after I threatened to key her car begged her and she took 5 inches off my mop and gave me a whole new chestnut color.  LOVE IT.  Well then I had to kick it in high gear and get this house/laundry/grocery situation in order because now?  Now I’m a working gal and I can’t lay about and attend to these matters while I pause “Storage Wars”.

Then I went to the worst place on Earth second only to jail or Toys R Us… the mall.  God, I abhor the mall.  I don’t know where I’m going for starters because I never go to the mall unless it’s to see a movie so I wander around in a stupid chaotic haze the whole time I’m there.  Then those kiosk fuckers practically accost you with their perfume/lotion/cellphone covers/massage bullshit.  These guys are getting really aggressive and it irritates me to no end.  I would see one coming and actually fake a pretend phonecall just to elude the awkwardness of it all but truthfully I just wanted to just punch them all in the throat.

I am awful at shopping for clothes.  Here’s an idea, someone make Garanimals for adults.

I managed to do some smart shopping and put together what I think is a functional/adult and somewhat trendy fall wardrobe.  Go me!

I started last week and have been completely overwhelmed challenged by learning my new role.  The people are terrific, the office is beautiful and I’m loving that I’m pretty much getting paid to ORGANIZE.  Can you imagine?  In a perverted universe I would totally be paying them.  C’mon guys, let me color code your files!  PUHLEESE!?!

I’m calling this a comeback folks although one could argue that by calling it a comeback it means I was somewhere or someone to start with.  Here’s the deal – I’ve not really had a life of my own since I’ve been flopping around like a salmon on hot concrete in unemployment and despair.  I pounce on Johnny like a spider monkey at the end of every day and hound him with ridiculous questions about his day and his lunch and who he saw and who he spoke to and whatnot.  All he wants to do is crack a beer and lay in the hammock.  I didn’t have a “thing”, you see.  Now, I have a thing.

I have a real job with real folks and real responsibilities.  I can come home and talk about MY day and not once mention Hoarders or YouTube clips of Kathy Griffin.  Yay me!

So, stay tuned won’t ya?  I mean, obviously I’m going to write a best seller or get my own show rivaling Chelsea Handler eventually but for now?  For now this is just peachy.  I tend to do better with my time if I have less of it, if that makes any sense.  I need structure and organization.  I like lists and graphs and spreadsheets.  I love a good schedule.

I’m so gonna rock this.  And thanks dear readers, your faith in me never faltered, did it?  Wait, don’t answer that.

7 thoughts on “An Ender to the Bender

  1. Jess says:

    Awesome news! Congrats!! I laughed at “I like lists…”. That’s an understatement. 🙂

  2. Kym says:


  3. Eve A says:

    Yay! Congrats, Jenny!

  4. Betsey says:

    YEAH FOR YOU!!! I’m so proud of you!!! You totally ARE going to rock it …

  5. Clueless says:


  6. Well, about freakin time both in getting the job and telling us about it! lmao. I was literally about to message you on FB about NOT keeping us in suspense when I saw the blog post link. Karma.

    I’m thrilled for you and hope against hope it gives you GREAT material to write about! And don’t get so busy that we don’t get to hear all the crazy you’re bringing to the office!

    Oh and ditto about loving to organize with lists & schedules. Secretarial is my THANG also! Glad you got a new THANG for yourself.

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