Okay you guys I totally had my interview and I *think* it went well. Here’s a list of things that didn’t happen.
I did not..
- fart (audibly or otherwise)
- use profanity (this one was close)*
- fall down
- shit pants
- scratch butt
- sniff armpits
- pick nose
- hock out a loogie into their trash can
Victory! I’ve come a long way, huh? Remember it was just a scant few years ago that I picked my teeth with my car keys and nonchalantly spit out whatever was stuck in there in a crowded elevator. I tend to get a little too comfortable sometimes.
I had a pretty good vibe about the whole thing and they asked if I was available to start Monday, so I think that’s a good sign, right? My plans for Monday involve napping in between Hoarders episodes so I told them I was free.
It’s a REAL job, guys. Like I’d be running their office. Now I’d be the only chick working there which I’m totally down with but I’ll be honest, I’m somewhat concerned and here’s why – normally I’m not worried about working with dudes because I am pretty much a dude and I’m what they call “a guy’s gal” but here’s the thing: these guys are totally metrosexual and I’m not sure they’ll think I’m amusing whatsoever. I do well with regular guys-guys and I do fabulously well with the gays but it’s the in between where things get a little blurry. I can clean it up for a little while but the metros don’t appreciate a trash talking whore like you’d think. The guys and the gays? LOVE IT.
So, we’ll see. If they don’t hire me I’m totally going down to their swanky glass store front and wiping a booger on it. At 3am.
* this one was way close because we were discussing a mutual acquaintance who happens to be a little shady and I ALMOST slipped and referred to him as a fucking fruitcake. Luckily I caught myself and just kind of stumbled into “f-f-f-fruitcake”. So there’s that. I’ll take it as a win.