Why does the caged bird sing? IT’S BORED.

This is getting old, guys.  52 resumes in one week.  52 cover letters.  52 times I wanted to stab myself in the eye with a fireplace poker.

You want humbling and borderline pathetic?  Try being a 44 year old woman filling out an application in the cafeteria of the college you attended.  Degrees mean nothing folks, these times they are tough.  The real crux of the matter is there are multiple roles I could fill – I’m certainly not pigeonholed into any one sector.  I can do office work, administration, payroll, legal dept, payables and receivables, and all that nonsense.  I’ve applied everywhere from Trader Joe’s to hospitals.  I’ve done sales and marketing.  I can file and spell, yo!  My point is, I have casted a wide net.  A wide net that returns holding only plastic grocery bags,  hypodermic needles and a pissed off jellyfish.

Is it remotely possible that I’m not as awesome as I think I am?

Don’t answer that.

Anyway, it’s getting to me, guys.   It’s affecting my ego, my marriage and certainly our purse strings.  A week ago I was optimistic and enjoying this precious “time off”.  Now I’m scared, depressed and entertaining a cocktail with lunch.

Okay, okay. I know.  It’s not like I have Cancer or we’re borderline homeless.  I know how blessed and fortunate I am.  I just wish I could get this one detail ironed out and in place.  I’ve read all of Oprah’s advice and I get it.  Follow your bliss and do what you love and all of that.  I GET IT.  I just don’t know where my place is, you know?  Where I belong.  So I’m going to get creative.  A friend of mine the other day told me to quit focusing on the problem and instead focus on the solution.  Sounds simple enough.

And you know what’s even more?   I really don’t WANT to work in a stinkin’ office.  I don’t really want any of the jobs I’ve applied for except for the position at Trader Joe’s because they can gladly pay me in their turkey meatballs.   So I think there’s a reason these aren’t panning out.  I’m not meant to sit at a desk all day.  Remember Morgan Freeman’s line in The Shawshank Redemption about some birds being too bright to be caged or something?  Well, okay that’s pushing it but you get what I mean.  I haven’t come all this way and gone through this journey to end up doing data entry.  Life’s too short.

I’m not sure what’s next but I do know two things.  I’m terrified and excited.

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