So, I totally forgot to tell y’all that I actually got a job! Well, sort of. It’s still a temp job but it’s a long term assignment lasting through March. It’s nice to go to just one place every day and have a little consistency and structure.
Believe it or not, I’m working in a showroom for a home and hearth store. I have spent the last three weeks learning all things fireplace. BTU’s, accent lighting and brick refractory, don’t ya know. There’s a big learning curve that comes along with this new assignment because up until now, having a fireplace in my house was the extent of my knowledge of fireplaces. Now I know all about gas logs, inserts and wood stoves. Sound boring? It’s actually not. You know how much I love to prattle on and bullshit, now I’m getting paid to do so!
Folks wander in all day long and I try to educate them into making the best decision for their homes. I actually tagged along with a sales rep today to watch her measure for a unit. It would have been really interesting and educational if I hadn’t developed a grisly case of explosive diarrhea minutes after walking in the customer’s door. That’s a story for another time.
Anyway, I work with a real honey badger of a guy who I’ve heard is no stranger to the HR department at the Corporate office. My boss is a real sweetheart of a guy and has expressed some trepidation with my working with this guy, Mark. Mark’s got a foul mouth and doesn’t seem to give much of a shit. This, as you can imagine, is so not a problem for me. However, my boss doesn’t know that I have a honey badger streak running through my core as well. This guy Mark is my favorite co-worker. He’s testing me and it’s hilarious. I’ll give you a little example of one of his shock value grenades.
A few days ago two ladies came in to look at some merchandise and it was obvious they were a couple. Not a problem, Mark and I assisted them and they ordered an fireplace for their home.
I was in my boss’s office and Mark strolled in with his clipboard. Speaking to my boss but looking directly at me he says “So, I’ve scheduled the installation for the lickalotopus’ job”. My boss froze in horror. For those of you unawares this is the silly punch line from an old joke that starts with “what do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Of course I know this. There was dead silence in the office and I could tell my boss wasn’t sure what his next move should be. Mark was sitting there with a big shit-eating grin on his face and I turned to him and said, “you do know those dinosaurs were vagitarians, right?”
My boss couldn’t look up at either one of us, but Mark smacked his gum and offered me a surprised “nice one!” look and quick wink. I relieved my boss of any further awkwardness by walking out of his office giggling.
I know. I shouldn’t encourage him. I’m a “lady”. It’s the workplace. Whatev.
As I was left work tonight my boss walked me out. It’s my third week and I was thanking him again for the opportunity for it’s a great leap of faith on their part and extensive training. “You’re welcome”, he said, “more I get to know you,
I think you’re a perfect fit”.
As I jumped off the loading dock, he threw in “or maybe you’re Mark’s sister”.