The Temp

I’ve recently returned to working for a temp agency to help our bank account while I look for a permanent job.  Johnny thinks I’m insane.  My darling doesn’t like change much, and I totally understand but there’s something really liberating about being a temp.

I love bouncing from place to place.  Getting a transient peep into the world of others.  Meeting new people, using different skill sets, imagining someone’s life by what is on their desk or in their workspace.

I arrive and exude confidence and aptitude.  I assure them that the assignment will be completed accurately.  I assuage their worries and let them know they’re in good hands.  I can handle whatever project they throw at me.  A phone system with 66 separate lines?  Bring it.  A seminar at a downtown hotel?  I’m your girl.
Drive to another city and collect money?  Sure.  Front desk at a busy television station?   Love it.  I love the variety in the assignments and in the people.

I also like the impunity that comes with being a temp.  More often than not I’m under-used.  The Temp doesn’t need to know everything, she just needs to know enough to “make do” until so and so gets back from vacation or maternity leave or from being ill…whatever.  If I screw something up, well hell, I’m just a temp!

Sometimes I’m assigned to a project and not filling in for anyone, just filling a need.  That’s cool too.  Stuff envelopes?  Where’s my iPod?  Copy files for a day?  Why not?

The banality off it doesn’t escape me, but more often than not I just enjoy meeting new people and walking into a completely unknown environment and knowing that I’ve got this.  The beauty of being a 43 year old temp is the secure knowledge in that whatever they throw my way, I’ll handle.   Sometimes I can actually see the relief on their faces when I show up.  It’s as if to say “Oh, thank God.  Someone that might actually possess common sense.”

This past week I’ve been in the customer service department of a major truck stop location featured nationwide.  In other words, I’m talking to pissed off truckers all day long.  I had no idea so much was riding on 18 wheels.  Every day I come home with an awesome new story.  You should hear what I hear.

Actual quotes.

1.  Why don’t you carry the ranch flavored taquitos anymore?  You know what?I’m going to come down there and beat your ass with a hammer.

2. I’ve got three things in life that I live for.  My Lord, my wife and your coffee.

3.  You sure got a sexy voice.  How’d you get such a sexy voice?  Smoking?  Is that so?  Well, if you get lung cancer it was worth it, you sound really good.

and the winner…(not for the easily offended)

You ain’t gonna believe this.  Some dirty sonofabitch has come down here and jerked off in one of your stalls and done left his baby batter all over the walls.  Think I’m gonna put this on YouTube.

Finishing this assignment this week.  Can’t wait to see what’s next.

5 thoughts on “The Temp

  1. Baby Blatter. OMG. I haven't heard it called that in so long that I almost wet myself laughing so hard.

  2. Baby batter is hands down the best euphemism for semen I've ever heard. I need to write this one down for future use.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Love #3 because I can just hear you talking to the guy…!!!! Thanks for the laugh!!!N

  4. Baby Batter………and that's just great!!Now you'll be saying that! GREAT!!!

  5. Joy says:

    Love it!! Can't wait for camping!

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