Out with the sauce, in with the Sass.

Remember when I told y’all I’d be going on a pretty strict nutritional regime soon? Well, it wasn’t that soon, really. A lot has happened since that post, but the day has finally come. Well, the week, actually. I’ve posted before that I’ve gained upwards of 25 lbs since getting married in 2008. Ridic. So, I’ve finally decided to do something about it. I just don’t like what I see in the mirror anymore.

I’m the type of person that needs a plan. Y’all remember my boot camp experience, right? Holy moly. I need rules and someone to scream them in my face, evidently.
I decided on the Flat Belly Diet because it just seemed like a good plan for me. I liked the food choices they provided and since my belly is my target area, it seemed like a good place to start. Sure, it’s easy to say, “well, just eat sensibly and exercise”.
I know, I get it, but I need a game plan. Motivation. Commitment. Dedication.

So, here we go.
WEEK ONE
Let me first say that the first four days of this diet are some sort of “anti-bloat” jumpstart and whatnot. The menu is boring and you have to make “sassy water” to drink daily. It pains me to type “sassy water”. As douchey as the name may be, the water itself is pretty darn good. It’s basically just a pitcher of water with cucumber and lemons slices added, along with mint and grated ginger. This is to aid in your digestion and give you a little pep throughout the day. I couldn’t help but wonder how a little vodka would certainly perk up a damn glass of sassy water.
That’s another thing. NO booze. Well, let me back up. The book says that yes, you can indeed have one glass of wine, or one beer or one liquor drink here and there, but they really don’t recommend it as most alcohols are just empty calories to begin with.
Well, if you know me there’s no such thing as ONE drink of anything. One drink will just make me mad. So, here I sit, typing this on the 9th day of this plan. One whole week, booze free. ME.
I don’t think I’ve gone an entire week without at least one adult beverage since…um…since…ever? Anyway, it’s not been as hard as I’d initially imagined. The first few days were odd in that I am used to having a drink in the early evening as I prepare supper or as I surf the internet, etc. It’s part of my winding down routine from the day. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. So, I mostly cleaned. You know, the kind of cleaning that you don’t normally do. Top of the fridge. Around the burners of the stove. Dusting off the leaves of all the houseplants. That kind of cleaning.
Then came the exercising. I’ve been mixing it up. Walking, granny jogging, bike riding and strength training. Mr. Cooper is digging our morning routine. More than three days a week I take him to the park or the greenway and we put in a brisk couple of miles before it gets too hot. This past Sunday morning I rode my bike over 20 miles along the Tennessee river at 7:30 am. It felt fantastic. Tonight I rode the hardest ride yet with an all female bike club that I recently joined. After I threw up, I totally felt a great sense of accomplishment.
Anyway, ten days in. I’m sleeping better and more focused. I’m reading for God’s sakes. It’s been ages since I could calm the committee inside my head long enough to actually read and digest an honest to God book. I’m eating nuts, seeds, whole grains and tons of fruits and vegetables*. I’m taking vitamins and working out with weights. If I didn’t feel so good, I’d be annoyed with myself. The bottom line is adopting a healthier lifestyle, period. Thinking about what I put in my body. Cooking better for my family.
I’ve always enjoyed a challenge and this is no exception. I can feel a difference in my body and I know I’ll be able to see one shortly, and that’s exciting. 42 isn’t 21 anymore, that’s for sure. Back then I actually walked around sporting mid-riff baring shirts and big-ass tacky medallions, a la’ Kelly Bundy. What I wouldn’t do to get that body back.
Wait, that’s not true. I don’t want to turn back the clock, I just want to be in the best shape possible to enjoy this crazy journey that is my life. And if I get called a MILF along the way, so be it.
* Don’t even get me started on my poop. Seriously. Firm and frequent, glory be!

One thought on “Out with the sauce, in with the Sass.

  1. Joe says:

    I needed to laugh so bad, thanks for it all. Even the poop!

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