THANK GOD FOR GRAVITY

Thanks to all the inquiries and well wishes and advice on my back injury recovery/sciatica saga. The good news is, things have improved dramatically. It’s still an issue however and I have my good days and my bad days. I do my exercises every morning on the floor after waking although Mr. Cooper tries to intervene. Cold wet nose in my ear. Big scratchy paw on my tummy. He thinks I’m down there to play with him. I’ll admit, sometimes I do. I truly believe the worst is behind me (that what she said) and I’m looking to brighter days ahead.

NOT EVEN TRYING
Our new house is kick-ass wonderful, end of story. However, there are these weird little centipedey type things in our lower level. They look like the product of a worm and a centipede gettin’ busy. They’re about an inch long and sloooow. They aren’t particularly menacing, but kind of creepy. I went out today with the sole purpose of purchasing some sort of insecticide or deterrent to the little buggers. Well, that’s not completely true. My other purpose today was to watch Kirstie Alley on Oprah. Let’s hear it for unemployment! I went up the road to a pricey little local garden center. I found a lady that worked there and we went ’round and ’round.
Me: So, I’ve got these centipedey/wormy things in my house. Sevin says outdoor use only. Can you help me?
Lady: Sure! Those are silverfish.
Me: Nope. I’ve had silverfish before and these things are more centipedey.
Lady: Do they have pinchers?
Me: No.
Lady: Red marks on their backside?
Me: No. They look like a inch long centipede-worm thing. They’re slow.
Lady: Maybe they are some kind of beetle.
Me: No, they’re not beetle related. Promise.
Lady: I think you should use Sevin!
Me: Again, the bottle says for outdoor use only.
Lady: Oh.
Me: *growl*
I don’t think it’s too much to ask that an employee in a store can either can answer a few job-related questions or at least point you in the right direction to someone else who can. I got some sort of spray whose bottle looked bad-ass. I’ve sprayed downstairs and tomorrow morning it better look like Jonestown in Guyana.
I want to see carnage, folks. I hate bugs in my house. I’m not evolved enough to believe that “every life has purpose” and all that. Then they can get their own damn house. Lady bugs and fireflies get a pass, though.
I CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP
Since my job expired I have sent out over 30 resumes to random sites and opportunities. Not much feedback. Well, none, really. Well, except for the “company” that replied back to me but needed my credit card numbers for a “background check”. Nice!
I’ve applied for so many jobs that I’m not ashamed to say I’ve forgotten who is who. Today I heard from a gentleman and he was very interested in my resume and wanted to schedule an interview. I politely admitted that I was unsure of what position his company was offering, due to my extensive job search. “Office Assistant”, he boomed!
“Great!”, I replied, not sure as to what office he was referring to. What happened next could only happen to me.
He mentioned he had a home office which I thought was a wee bit odd. This man wants me to come to work in his home. Hmmm. Save all the details, in the ensuing minutes I was informed that he specializes in fertility issues and helps folks conceive.
From your home? WHAT? Turns out he’s got a little company that does indeed help folks with surrogacy and all but he’s like THE donor. I’m unsure on what he wanted me to do. “Hey, hon…can you grab the phone? My hands are full”!
Ew. No thankya! Still unemployed.
LET’S TRY THIS AGAIN
It is now Tuesday morning. Evidently the “bad-ass” spray I purchased actually attracts these things. There are more than ever this morning. I think I saw one doing the backstroke in the spray liquid and flipping me off.
For those of you keeping score:
Centipedey things 1
Girl Corrupted 0
Alright. Phase 2. First off, the vacuum cleaner. Secondly, a trip to a REAL Garden Center. Hello Lowe’s!

2 thoughts on “

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hey, great news! Glad you are on the mend. Be careful with it and remember, bend at the knees when lifting.

  2. Anonymous says:

    "Jonestown in Guyana"??? Can't stop laughing; great visual – great one Jen.Nancy

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