Over a month ago I threw my back out. May 2nd, to be exact. I was on the front porch of our farmhouse watering flowers in some hanging baskets we had just purchased. Unbeknownst to me, a little bird had made a nest inside the flora of one of the baskets. When I tilted the watering can, the water hit said bird and it flew directly into my face. I in turn flew backwards in terror and hit the concrete porch on my rear end, jarring my back with such force that for a few minutes I just laid there, staring up at the swinging dripping flower pot. It would have been hilarious had I not hurt myself so profoundly.
This has happened before so I was prepared to just take things easy and eat a shit-ton of Ibuprofen. Taking things easy wasn’t an option as it turned out. We moved into a new home the very next week and for days we packed boxes and went up and down stairs and bent over and lifted and then did it all again at the new house. This proved to be detrimental to my condition.
Shortly after moving I found that I could hardly move. Seriously. I could barely dress myself and I could not bend over even to brush my teeth. Driving was unbearable, but necessary. I’ve never experienced such constant pain. Sleeping even hurt.
I took steroids. I took pain pills. I did exercises. And just when I didn’t think things could get worse, I developed Sciatica. Ever had it? I’m here to tell you, I would not wish it upon a sworn enemy. I realize I haven’t given birth or anything, but a lady I know that HAS (four times!) told me that her Sciatica was worse than childbirth because it lasted so much longer. I’m going on about three weeks. FUN.
It’s still here. Today I had to drive 9 hours in a car and according to my Doctor, I shouldn’t sit for more than 15 minutes straight. Awesome. As John Lennon once said, sometimes life gets in the way. I can’t put my life on hold because of this condition but I swear, I’d do anything to get rid of it.
Poor Johnny remains helpless yet supportive and not sure what to do. I try not to complain much, but it still wears me down and I submit to tears on occasion. Wiping my own ass is an actual challenge. Talk about humility and helplessness. You’d think prescription pain pills and vodka could knock this thing out, but you’d be wrong.
It’s got to work itself out, evidently. Johnny swears that he read on the internet that copious sex was a sure cure for Sciatica but so far I see no results. Well, no, I take that back…he seems to feel fine. (smile) Ha! I’m totally trying to keep a sense of humor but my nerves are frayed and I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.
Well, for now, I’ll just keep on keepin’ on. If you have any suggestions, legal or otherwise, I’m totally listening.