Hair and Now

Well, I gotta tell you folks….this Corrupted Girl has got a lot on her plate. I’m not by nature a crybaby, but I gotta say, the last few months have worn me thin. Rice paper thin. And tired. Tired of being tired. And tired of being sick. I’ve spent more time in the Doctor’s office this last year as in the last forty years prior.

I threw my back out. Twice. I fell in our house and I am not kidding you, I resembled what would appear to be a battered wife for over two weeks. I literally showed my ass at work and the backs of my legs when they asked why I was walking like a 97 year old man. LOOK AT THIS PEOPLE…HAPPY NOW?!? I had bruises like someone had taken a baseball bat to me, Soprano style. I’ve got one word for you. PUCE.

Oh, that’s right…I had Bronchitis and a sinus infection. And then severe heartburn due to all the phlegm and acid in my stomach. Oh, and then severe allergies. To plants, trees, spores, and maybe even children. I think I made that last one up but seriously, you just never know. I’m pretty sure they give me hives at the very least.

I had a terrible allergic reaction to one of those “hot/cold” pain adhesive bandages. It was so severe that it landed me back in the damn “Doc in the Box” for cream and steroids. Had I not gone when I did, I would have suffered close to 2nd degree burns on my lower back. Mind you, the really FUNNY part of this is that is how I treated throwing my back out in the first place. Now my back is still out and I have a severe burn and infection, too. TWO FOR ONE, FOLKS.

So there’s that. It’s been a rough year for me physically. For the first time in my life my blood pressure is on the rise. When my Doctor asked if I had been under any duress, I just looked at him incredulously like “OH REALLY?!? YA THINK?

I *may* or *may not* have mentioned my new marriage, my crazy and challenging job that I never wanted, my old and rotting house, a move to a new location, the death of my Father, new in-laws, an ex-wife, and two stepdaughters. I didn’t want to over-share, after all.

The other day I was in the shower and I was feeling kinda dodgy, feeling half dead, and I glanced over to the rail in our bathroom. Suddenly EVERYTHING became crystal clear. The answer was simple. I chuckled to myself at how I could have missed such an over-sight.

I had simply purchased the wrong conditioner. How silly!

My conditioner is ALL WRONG. I need Sunsilk “MAJOR FUCKING ISSUES“, or maybe it’s not that dramatic. Maybe it’s more Sunsilk “This Bitch is @$#% Crazy” conditioner. That could possibly be my summation. Or wait…how about Sunsilk “I THINK THEREFORE I OVER ANALYZE” conditioner? Where is that on the shelves? I bet I’m not the only gal out there that could use that product.

There used to be a commercial out there that jingle touted “I’m gonna wash that man right outta my hair“. Ya’ll old enough to remember that? Well, crap. I wish washing away all of your problems was just as simple as washing your hair. I promise you that.
Where is the “You Won the Lottery and Look how much Weight you Lost!!!” conditioner? Where do they sell that shit?

It’s totally Caspar Milquetoast but I’d like to see Sunsilk come up with an ” I’m At the Very Least sort of Very Overwhelmed and Feeling kind of Puny” conditioner. I’d buy that.
I promise to follow up this little me-me-me post with an actual heartfelt one about how much I appreciate all that I have, and how I wouldn’t change anything. Please know that. I am woman, hear me bitch. Don’t think for a moment I don’t realize how blessed I truly am.
More to come.
Not to be superstitious though…I’m totally changing conditioners.

5 thoughts on “Hair and Now

  1. And throw what's left of that No Major Issues in the garbage. Seriously?! Who does Sunsilk think it is to be all judgy?

  2. Joe B says:

    Ok, sounds like you need a vacation, you can stay with me for a bit. Or not, just remind me not to cross you the wrong way.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Totally nothing to do with your post…. Happy Anniversary!!!Sheri

  4. Jen says:

    Sheri! Send me your email address – or send it to Jess and she can forward it on to me – I'd love to catch up with you and Duggles!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Hey girly,It's sheri.bandy@yahoo.com. Lookin' forward to hearing from you!

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