Verbal Diarrhea

So today I had a pap smear.  Yes, it was time for my annual exam.  Hooray!  This is not usually traumatic for me as I am 41 years old and am used to the routine.  However, now that I’ve moved I had to find a new Doctor and that was somewhat of a concern.  I mean, you and your OBGYN need to be simpatico, I’d say.
On a side note, I’ve always thought “Pap Smear” would be a great name for a punk band.  Just sayin’.  Can’t you just just hear the crowd roaring?  The ubiquitous announcer says, “live from Chicago, please put your hands together for the devastating rock of…..PAP SMEAR”!!!

 I digress.
Anyway, I was like what the hell when the technician asked me if I needed to “empty my bladder” before my exam.  Can we really not just say “use the ladies room”?  She also did not find it funny when she went over my chart with me.  As a new patient, I had to fill out a ton of annoying paperwork.
Technician:  Do you have an eating disorder?
Me:  I wish.
Not funny, evidently.
Technician:  Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?
Me:  That depends on who you ask.
Again, not funny.
Technician:  Has anyone in your family had breast cancer?
Me:  Yes.  My Grandmother and my Mother.  I’m really looking forward to it.
Please believe me, I wasn’t trying to douche out in the Doctors office.  I was merely trying to bring a little levity to the situation.   Sister Scrubs was unflappable. 
Oh well.   The bottom line was my Doc was awesome and really made me feel comfortable.  Another year in the books.  I can’t wait until dinner tonight when I get to coyly hand Johnny a vasectomy brochure.  Oh, the romance!
Living the dream, innernet.

6 thoughts on “Verbal Diarrhea

  1. Kym says:

    So glad you are back to posting. Sounds like you are finding your way.

  2. Jane says:

    Did you shower before your appointment….

  3. Jen says:

    Jane, I may be your grossest friends, but that crosses the line!

  4. Bruce says:

    Maybe by "Empty your Bladder" she meant "Drink the last of the Vodka from your flask"?

  5. Clueless says:

    To me, Pap Smear sounds like the female version of Spinal Tap!

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