Bittersweet

First of all, watch this. It might be the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile. I feel for the runway model, but again, she’s a RUNWAY model – life can’t be too tough, right?

CONVERSATIONS IN A LUNCHROOM

I entered the break room at work the other day to see co-workers Buck and Michael having lunch together.

Me: Hello ladies, enjoying a romantic lunch for two?
Buck: Yes we are you a-hole. Would you like to join us and make it a threesome?
Me: Buck. Dude, I’ve told you before, I’m married now – those days are OVER.

That is a very glib segue into a serious post.

First of all, let me reiterate about how absolutely thrilled I am about the future and my new life with John, his daughters, and my new home. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that things could not be more bittersweet these days. Now things are starting to hit me. Saying goodbye. Moving. Becoming a wife and Mother. Living in the country. NO JOB.

Goodbye for now, and goodbye forever, depending.

I never imagined voluntarily leaving my job. Of course I never considered retirement from my company because it simply seemed too far away. To tell you the truth, I always just figured I’d get fired, plain and simple. I’m still shocked that I was not, FOR EIGHT YEARS.

I cannot fathom that next week I’m going to walk out of that office for the last time. That job, that somewhat silly job working for “the man” changed and shaped my life for the better. The people, the challenges, the history together. Like Mary Tyler Moore, I can’t imagine not working there anymore. I’ve had the privilege to laugh every single day of my employment. They supported me when I was down, they rejoiced with me when things were good, and more than anything else, they were just there. No matter what. There have been births and deaths and marriages and divorces and through it all…? An irreverent sense of humor and a shoulder to cry/throw up on.

I passed my co-worker Frank the other day – we were very far apart and going in opposite directions but I just caught enough of him to see both middle fingers blazing upward in “touchdown” form. *sigh* I love that dude.

This is not to slight my friends outside of work. You guys know who you are – in fact, I spent last night catching up with some dear friends of mine that I don’t see enough. Actually, that’s what brought on this post. As excited as I am, I still feel vaguely resentful. I’m over the moon about starting a new life with John and his daughters, but I’m also saddened over leaving this life, here.

Okay guys, settle down – I am keenly aware that I cannot blame Johnny one iota for this transition – it is simply our situation; it is fact. John cannot move so therefore I have to; plain and simple.

I have promised myself not to hold this over John’s head – we are newlyweds, that’s stressful enough. However, I feel like this feeling needs to be validated and acknowledged. I really don’t want to move.

There. There it is in bold face print.

I will embrace this new life of mine with optimism, but I’d be remiss to not address how I feel inside. Inside I am hopeful and look forward to the road ahead. Mind you, I simply cannot wait to wake up with John by my side every morning. There’s that. There’s also the part where I feel that I’ve moved around enough and I really just would like to stay here. I finally have roots. Down the road I thought of maybe moving up North someday, but I certainly never had any desire to move to the city where John lives. I don’t mean that to be insulting, but it’s true.

Hey, I’m just trying to keep it real, yo.

Anyway, ultimately it doesn’t matter where I live – as long as John and the girls are with me, I’m home. I guess I just wanted to write it down, say it out loud, and have it validated. This is not easy for me. Yet, I couldn’t be more thrilled.

The definition of bittersweet? Pleasure combined with pain.

Yeah, that’s it.

My home is with John, but I’m sure going to miss this one.

5 thoughts on “Bittersweet

  1. Laura says:

    I can relate. I’m not good with change, but sometimes the rewards are greater than the sacrifice.

  2. Jen says:

    Laura – that’s perfect, I love it! And I totally expect that to be the case – the rewards will absolutely outweigh the sacrifices.I’ve just never liked saying goodbye, you know? You just never know what life has in store for you, huh? Thanks as always for reading!

  3. Janie says:

    Came over via another blog that linked your video.I feel your pain, may have to move from “home” and a job I love sooner than I think.Blessings to y’all in your new adventure!

  4. vcx says:

    This might be kinda off topic: But are you sure your dog is not an alien? (this should take your mind off the bitterness)

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