Damn, I’ve been called out. Imez over at The Weird Kid sent me a comment regarding the below post about losing my virginity. I had mentioned that I was proud that John was not my “first”.
She wrote: “But, as posts lead to posts, I’d love one about why you are proud that John wasn’t your first sexual experience, cuz it sounds like some heavy wisdom waiting to be laid down.”
Geez, Imez, I doubt there will be any heavy wisdom being laid down, but I’ll try my best to explain myself. It’s certainly a valid question. One I hadn’t expected anyone to ask, but I’m glad that you did.
Let me back up and catch you up in case you’ve not been around for the whole story. Johnny was my first love. We met in college in 1986, and he was the first boy I ever said those three little words to and boy, I meant them. Our relationship faded away as we were both young and going in different directions. We were apart for 22 years and he found me again via the death of my Father. Since then, we’ve been inseparable and are currently engaged to be married. That’s it in a nutshell, anyway.
Fast forward to my comment. Um, geez, where do I start? I don’t recall Johnny and I ever discussing sex. Sure, we smooched, held hands, and even slept next to each other on more than one occasion, but it never went further than that. Looking back, I truly believe that we knew the enormity of it, and we both just weren’t ready. We did not take it lightly. We knew we had a unique and special love and we just weren’t prepared to take that monumental step. Our hearts just weren’t ready.
Now, of course, that begs the question, “if that’s the case then why in the hell did you casually sleep with the circus clown”? Well, there’s that. By the time Scott the circus clown entered into the picture, there was no love in my life and I was still very young and naive. My virgin status was embarrassing to me so I took all the love and magnitude out of physical love and just got it over with. I’m not proud of it, and looking back, sure, I wish I had waited to share that special experience with someone whom I loved deeply. Then again, I try to cut myself some slack for being a kid and plus, it was *almost* worth it to be able to say that I lost my virginity to a circus clown, I mean, COME ON PEOPLE.
So, Imez, I am glad it wasn’t Johnny, because when we finally went behind closed doors, it was the first time, if you know what I mean?
Well, I hope that I properly answered your inquiry. As always, thanks for commenting. Oh, and sex with circus clowns..? Don’t let the shoes fool ya.