Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Jim: Ya’ll ever get one of those massages at the airport?
Randy: Oh, hell no. I’m afraid I’ll see someone I know.
Me: No. I’m afraid I’ll fart.

*Randy bows his head and shakes it back and forth, clearly disgusted*

Randy: You’re a piece of work, you know that?

Me: Duh. So why do you care if someone you know sees you?
Randy: I dunno, it just seems gay.

Me: You’re a retard. What are you talking about?
Randy: Getting a public massage. Seriously, how can I relax with all that foot traffic passing by?

Me: You’re face down with your head in that toilet seat contraption. You can’t even SEE who’s walking by, dude.

Randy: I don’t care. Everytime my wife and I vacation at some resort she wants us to go get massages. You gotta be careful, sometimes there are only men to massage you, and I’m not having that. Jen, that’s not my idea of relaxing. No hairy man is going to rub on me.

Jim: Well, didn’t you tell me about a massage you got years ago when you were in the military?
Randy: *flustered* Well, yeah…I mean, NO. I mean, I can’t tell that story!

Me: Dude. That’s called a massage with a happy ending.

Randy: Please get the hell out of my office. Both of you.

4 thoughts on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

  1. I want a job with you!

  2. jill says:

    Yeah, I have that same fear with massages šŸ™‚

  3. Imez says:

    If they don’t like farts they shouldn’t make their living coaxing gas from people’s bodies. (That was a funny post. You can read blogs for days without finding a funny post that is actually funny.)

  4. alphawoman says:

    Fantastic blog! Interesting and well written. Wondering where in TN youlive, not because I am a stalker, but my hubs is in Memphis working….and we spend time around the state. Wondering if the Lake is somewhere I know, as my BIL has a fab place at Norris Lake.

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