Okay, I take it alllll back. This cat is a real troublemaker. WHY OH WHY didn’t you “cat people” let me in on the little joke I like to call “dismembered remains and entrails LEFT IN MY HOUSE by said beast”? What the hell kind of sick game is this? In less than two weeks we have a body count of five and I am kind of exaggerating when I say body count because sometimes THERE ISN’T ONE. Just a head. Just what might be a lung or perhaps (?) a stomach. UNDER MY DINING ROOM TABLE.
Sometimes, as in recently with what I could only ascertain had once been a bird*, just some wing like protrusions, a torso and feet. NO HEAD. And then there was the chipmunk that wasn’t quite dead and proceeded to run through our house and cower under the couch while we tried to lasso killer kitty and shoo the varmin out with a broom and towel. Ugh. You wouldn’t think a tiny chipmunk under a big bath towel could be terrifying but you’d be surprised. For starters, you don’t know where their teeth are.
See that cat up there? All peaceful and sweet, dozing in the sun? Don’t let that fool you. He is a ruthless, heartless killer and I for one am sick of being on brain detail.
Yesterday was my favorite though. Just a head of what I could only assume was once was a mouse/gopher or mole. Just grey matted hair, yellow long teeth and whiskers. I didn’t inspect it too closely but what I did do was scoop it onto a dustpan to chuck it out the back door but decided (as one does) to snap a quick photo of the carnage to send to my sweet husband. You know, in an act of solidarity for what I was going through. Turns out, he didn’t find it as amusing but then again, he didn’t have to clean it up…so there. He also doesn’t find it funny that the infamous photo is now my screen saver. How awesome is being married to me?
*That is one slow ass bird, seriously. Killer kitty has a bell on his collar and if he sprinted at me I would hope that if I had wings I could sure as hell get away from him, although now friends of mine are telling me that cats will leap in mid-air and bring down our feathered friends. Jesus. I had no idea they were so cutthroat.
I’m sleeping with one eye open.